As I mentioned in an earlier post, when I am ready to connect some things for my recovery, God delivers the perfect post. In this case, it was “Cutting the Cords of My Past” by Willow on her blog, Making My Peace.
Willow writes about her study of learning about energy healing. One of things she learned was about cord cutting. “Knowing how to sense the cords and disconnecting them proved helpful and healing through my divorce. Whenever I could feel my soon-to-be (or even post divorce) husband’s stifling energy moving in on me, in my mind’s eye, I would pull out my “spiritual scissors” and cut the cord…just release him and release myself.”
I, too, am going through a disastrous divorce–the one I didn’t see coming. But after 4 months of working my AA program, I am beginning to feel some relief. I took a 5th step last week about my side of the street in order to keep it clean. And, lo and behold, I found the cords connecting me to this marriage and let the cords go. I felt like I could fly after I finished.
If you get a chance read Willow’s account of the total experience. You will be given a way out of the confusion of intense feelings.
So what cords did I let go of?
(1) Because I made a serious error in judgment, I had put myself in a prison of not deserving all the love I need.
Solution: I am developing a new AA family. I find the people that I feel the most natural with and then go the meetings that they go to. I also every week seek out 1-2 new meetings in order to meet new “family” members. Then I introduce them to each other.
(2) I realized that I was back in my marriage in that original family I was born into. I believe that most trouble between people or nations is about the division of power between or among them. In the power struggle, there are three positions; victim, abuser and/or rescuer.
Solution: Agree to the divorce and use my energy to plan my present in a way that created a new life path for me.
The ties between codependency and my PTSD will continue to explored in number 2 in this series.